just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
