and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
