she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
