I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
