4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize