I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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