coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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