Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
