Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
