I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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