I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
