At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
