Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
