this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she smelled like a LAN party
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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