Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
