i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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