and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
