I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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