Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I intend to get homeless drunk
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
