I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
