Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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