this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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