just tell him i said nine months
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
organizing the empties. That sober.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
