Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize