; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
