If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
