I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
