you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
