woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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