Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
