I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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