Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
