Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
