took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
pop tarts are not kleenex
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
