Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He better not be in your backpack
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
