You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
