True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have fence marks all over my body
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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