there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
