All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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