i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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