My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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