fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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