Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
