Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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