Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
