Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
