maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
