So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
