so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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