There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
