One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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