Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
