if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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