just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
