it's too hot outside to masturbate.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
