I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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