Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
