Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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