i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
