Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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