i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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