Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
