I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
