I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
