eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
