you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
