So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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