Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
